Yeah, that's how I feel--like something big is going fall on me, but I don't see it coming! Things aren't all bad, but when something big like earning an income so I can contribute towards rent and food is up in the air, then I feel a little unbalanced. Here's a short list of what's going on:

1) Ruby was supposed to go back to school yesterday, but the Department of Health screwed up and school was closed until Monday. She wasn't too disappointed though. I arranged for one long play date day yesterday and she had such a blast playing with her friends Sadie and Clementine (I had all three girls in the morning and Sadie and Clems mom had all three girls in the afternoon) and today David took her to Fire Island. I was a little peeved though--if I'm going to be unemployed, I might as well get to enjoy some quiet time at home no?

2) I applied for unemployment benefits yesterday. It took all of 10mins online and another 10mins on the phone (not counting a 15min wait for a real live person). It felt like a great accomplishment. Doesn't take much these days.

3) I'm waiting anxiously for two employers to call me back with job offers, or not. Just any news would be good really. I think I have a pretty good chance, but the longer they take to get back to me, the more I become worried. It sucks to watch the phone like a hawk, scan my email constantly and have that nervous feeling in my stomach when another day goes by and no word.

4) I hate playing games when it comes to job-hunting. I know which job I want, but until I have an offer, I can't count on it, so I do everything to keep myself in the running for the other job. I'll never be a good con artist, so scratch that off my list of options.

5) I felt so awesome about my two interviews. They were the first real interviews I ever did. While my previous jobs gave me oodles of skills and experience, the organizations I worked for were so specialized and so politically on the margins of what most folks get, it was so hard to translate those skills into other workplaces. So to go into an interview and project confidence was hard. It took a few amazing people, David included, to get me to trust myself. I did eventually, and it felt good!

6) Ruby has grown like crazy, really, in the last few weeks. Sorting through her clothes and the huge piles of hand-me downs (so grateful for that) sucks--it's one of those quarterly chores I dread. I think she has four snow pants for this winter already set aside. So that's what I'm going to do next and I won't watch the phone or my email for a few hours.